Feed the Fishes

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

disfunctional family

hello...(Adele's voice) :)

The year is almost over OMG so quick, I'm surprise every week that pass don't feel the days anymore just one after another. Why everybody always said that your 20s goes by fast without you even notice how old you're getting so quick and time flys in front of your eyes and  your young vibrant years seen so far back. Somedays I reminisce of things and places I used to go and say to myself how did I even do that, or why did I even go there for. I feel I was so dumb when I was young fortunately nothing bad happened to me even when I was at the worse places and with very bad ppl that my parents will never know about. I guess I can consider myself lucky to just had been on the experimenting phase where I had fun and learn so much during my early 20s and teens. 

Now that I pass 25 I been thinking on my future a lot, I don't like that feeling of trying to plan out your life and trying to fix your family issues which I never notice before because I never even care or paid attention to my surroundings; now I see so many things I miss during my careless years. A part of me still tells me like is not my business to fix my parents relationship to stay away from their fights but sometimes is inevitable to not say something but later I regret getting involved. That's the only thing I regret coming back to live at my mom's house, I do not wanna hear that shit same fights over money is not even a lot of money but they still fight because none of them wants to give in. I guess is the lost-love because in a relationship one partner has to give in for the couple to move on. I don't know why are they so stubborn, well just like me. Thankfully my bf is not stubborn and he's patience and caring and won't even raise his voice at me even when I'm bitching at him, I know is wrong and I say sorry after a minute when I cool off, that's why I would not work at a stressful job that will make me mad and take it off on him when I get home, that's so wrong, I do not wanna be a bitch. I try and do not wanna end up like my dad he was a total bitch and now that he's old nobody likes him.

I'm glad my bf doesn't understand spanish so he doesn't know what that hell they're saying I don't want him to live in a awkward environment. I was thinking of staying here for at least a couple of years after his graduation so that we can save to buy our own place but who knows nowadays things doesn't come up as plan I been changing my calendar notes every week; one event changes everything. So who knows how long we are going to stay here, it doesn't matter to an extend that I'm always going to help my mom I give her money every month she still has lots to go on her mortgage and my dad doesn't help so I gotta do it, I'm young and have the means so why not. I just hope one day she lives in peace in her own house without having to fight with anybody in her own house. I hope I get to see that day.

Changing subjects I kind of cheated on my no-shopping commitment, I did shopped and have to pay my credit card back with interest now and is totally my fault that's why I won't even stress cuz I made the decision to shop and now I have to pay and even more with my credit cards at 23% interest so my only resolution is that I gotta finish one day right? so no stress. My job is the same, the only thing I don't like is that I work the days my bf is off so our days off are not coordinated and I hate it cuz we can't take the doggies out to the park, plus we don't spend much time together like before but what can I say is my fault for shopping too much; if I won't shop I wouldn't have to work as much. That's all on me. I know when he graduates things will change he wants me to be a housewife but I don't think I'm housewife material I would have to learn how to cook and be by myself in the mornings and do all the unnecessary wasting-time stuff housewife do to pass their time when bored. I most likely will keep a part time job so I will have something to get out of the house for plus I feel bad that my mom has to work hard at her age and I would be lazy to stay home, even if we ever have kids I would pay my mom to babysit them so that she wouldn't have to work. 

I should stop shopping at least for this year. I feel so guilty that every time I finish paying off a credit card I go and max it out again because I buy expensive pieces not just anything or sale stuff I  buy things I shouldn't be even looking at, well hopefully I won't shop anymore at least til the year ends. Maybe I should post pictures of my buys but that takes too much time an I'm lazy so just check out my ig posts I usually post new purchases there. Until the next one. We'll see what happens in two weeks. Now off to be a loser watching youtubers vids since my bf get out of work at midnite sometimes like today I wait on him. GN

Monday, October 5, 2015

two more months to bye bye 2015

Hello again journal. So up to today's I have some new things going on....


I got another job at banana republic petite yeeeyy!! it was quick I applied and boom they called me is fine for now I dont know how long I will last there but I get to distract myself and not just be at home bored when my bf is working. On my morning job I'm still there same thing not much to do easy job the only thing that changed is that my boss pay us by check now so I had to open a new bank account to deposit this check which have my name and cannot be deposited to my bf account which I was using up to now. 


My bf has been working a lot lately, I dont see him as often as before we only have like 2 or 3 afternoons off per week that we get to enjoy time together with the doggies. I love going to the park for walks with them thats my favorite thing to do now. Sometimes we had lunch together if he gets out of school at the same time I get out of work or dinner whenever we are out by the same time. I get bitchy a lot of times cuz I dont see him and I'm mean to him but he always understand and never even bitch back at me. We are so opposite, maybe thats why we still together after everything we go thru,...better say everything he put up with, he's really patience. 


I shopped a little bit I'm still waiting on the shipment to arrive thou. I got me the DY morganite 7mm and the DY rose quartz 5mm diamonds style, they do not make this style anymore it was made many years ago and I finally found it. This will be my early xmas present for myself. Also I got me 2 Opi nail gels do do my nails, from banana I got 1 necklace is just silver and long, a pair of new flats plain black pointy tip that killed my feet. I also got me some make-up but thats the usual routine if I run out of something is a must to go replenish. 


I'm still paying my credit cards hoping to have only one left by next year. Good news thou my credit went up to 680 on fico....thats really good I wanna get to perfect credit one day soon. I got approved for another amex cc, will be in the mailbox soon. I kind of wanted to get the banana republic credit card but my bf told me no cuz I would be spending my whole check there so I decided not to get it. 


My furbabbies are doing fine, Bailey just went to the Ophthalmologist today, they check her eyes because she tears a lot I know the other vet said is normal but at least now I know it is ok she doesn't have an infection and I just gotta keep cleaning and cutting the hair around her eyes. Also we got another maltese dog boy,actually is my lil sister's dog, his name is Percy, he's 5 years old, a retired teacher from UofH gave him to us; he's really calm and friendly but I think he has asthma because when we take him to the park he acts like he can't breathe for a minute so my bf carries him when that happens but it doesn't seen deadly so I  will ask the vet when his check up comes up. Prince is doing great as always he's so sweet he's my favorite.


My bff is back in town for a month hopefully both of our schedules work out to have time together. I haven't seen her in over a year. My other friends they still doing same working or with their families, no new news, no pregnancies, no engagements, no marriages, no moving, no new partners, no house parties, no much bitches drama anymore. I guess the older we get the family oriented we grow like boring adult life that revolves around family eewww. That's why I keep telling my bf we are not having kids, one that happens your life is over.


My mom still fighting with my dad trying to kick him out of the house and he won't leave and my older brother still lazy doesn't like working or shows any sign of independence. My older sister still brings his kids here to babysis that kid is so annoying he cries every minute just for no reason. My lil sister still a nerdy girl she's getting taller than me and doesn't show any signs of rebelling yet hopefully she won't be like me, now that I go back in time I realize that I was bad since I was in kindergarten no wonder why the teachers didnt like me.

and this was my journal entry for october see u later journal.

Monday, August 24, 2015

update on my life

So its been almost a month since my last post....anyways Yess!! I went on vacation for a whole week with my bf to Puerto Rico it was good time I booked everything in order and every single day we had something different to do. My bf was like what activity we have today? cuz he knew I plan everything ahead and I guess I'm a good planner Yeah I can say that, plus he always say I have OCD, maybe I do that's why I plan things ahead  and like things my way. Even if I'm a bitch sometimes but he understands, that's why I love him. Dealing with me is not easy. Also I did got paid in full when I came back from vacation :)nice!! I thought he wouldn't pay me in full but he did so I don't hate him anymore lol (like he cares if I do) It was good I paid off one of my credit cards with that money so now I only have 2 credit cards left to pay off [4k total]. Even Though I'm getting pay less now because I have to split the shift is fine I will get another job in the afternoons so I can save for our next vacation. For now my focus is to pay off this 2 credit cards by this year so that in 2016 I can be debt free YES!!! It feels so good to pay off debt is like a load got off my back, and the best thing is that I did it all by myself. Next year when I'm debt free I will focus on saving to go on trips with my bf. I'll also wanna buy some jewelry (or hopefully not if I can stop myself cuz everything I like is over 2k like the Tiffany T bracelet rose gold with diamonds and matching ring or the david yurman rose quartz 7mm bracelet) that's what I want but it will be as much as a trip to the Virgin Islands or Hawaii. Therefore I have to choose and I can't be selfish buying for myself instead of going a whole week of paradise with my man. So hopefully I can make some wise choices next year and overall have a great time and happy life with my bf and my doggies. Until the next one. Let's see what life brings along to finish up this year. 
PS: I hope to look even better on swimsuits ;) I hate working out but I wanna have a tone body and I love to go out and eat and drink margaritas so that's the struggle. I don't weigh myself anymore cuz I never saw the scale going low so I actually will get depressed working out and seeing no results therefore when my gym membership expired I didn't renew it I was like fuck it, I don't want it anymore I go there to waste time. TIP:: if you walk over 10k steps daily you do get slim, during our vacation week we did activities every day and our phone will show over 10k every single day so when we came back home and I went to work the following Monday my pants were loose and I was surprise one week made that big difference already. So good luck girls! Start walking more and you will feel the difference in your clothes.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

mood: content & uncertain

So another week now had past and I'm here in bed after my day off with my bf as always trying to take the most out of the little free time I get. Anyways Good News I got a raise so I feel I'm getting pay really fair now, I have nothing to complaint about 900 a week cash feels so good for being a receptionist/cashier which is a high amount compared to the rest of the population even some people with a BA degree don't make as much as I take home for a simple job that is 50% waiting on people to come in and pick up cars while I watch tv. I feel kind of lucky to have found that place but the reality is that I'm not sure for how long I will have this 71hrs position, so I gotta be prepared to have my hours cut because my boss said one of his relatives is taking the other shift so I will be working 40hrs a week only which means less cash for me :( But I will have more time for myself :)

I feel like he was in a rush to bring somebody to take over the other shift because I'm getting my paid week vacation on August and he wants to pay me less when that week comes around so he's cutting the hours before the paying time comes. Anyways I try to look at the bring side who knows if that person will stay I had trained so many people and they don't even make it to to the third day I guess they don't like that he's a neat freak and everything has to be clean, organized, flawless, pretty much perfect when he comes in the building. I don't mind, I got used to his style of working already plus I think I got a little OCD myself so I'm perfect for the job. 

Even if that person stays I'll be happy to get off at 1pm, I will have a lot of time in my hands now, probably less money to go out and eat to the expensive restaurants I like to go but I'll be fine I still have some credit cards to pay off and after that I wanna save for our next vacation next year !!!!yeayyyy!!!! I love beautiful nature, peace and quiet. Can't wait for our time, every year I look forward for vacation time. So happy to have it.
I forgot to say that this past week did had some drama again, a millionaire customer I have came bitching at me because I printed his past receipts and gave them to his wife and she found out he brings his mistress car there too [like do I care if you get divorce, you were banging that hoe not me so don't bitch at me now because your wife caught you] plus his wife was real nice, told me she need it them for the company accounting records so I gave them to her and that's how it all went down.
I hate stress caused by other people's problems LIKE....do I care about your life, I have my own life to live.

I'm hoping this next week goes well with as little drama as possible.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

a sunday in summer after two+ years

So is been long since I post anything mainly because i've been soooo busy -from the day I moved out of my parents' house -getting my own apartment with my own furniture -getting a second job to be able to pay all my expenses -working 14hrs a day and still make time to go out with my bf -paying all my bills on time -trying to keep a social life even with as little free time....and many more other obstacles, lows and highs....Well that's just part of being independent and learning as you grow.

Now lets fast forward to two years since all that started, I'm here back at my mom' house with my bf and two doggies/our kids, I work less now one job only, almost done paying my load of credit card debt accumulated during the whole moving out transition *I'm so happy I'm down to 4k in about four months I'll be finally done with the massive sum I had. Thanks to my determination to finish paying off week after week I put money towards my debt and also the no more shopping rule and going out less helped a lot plus not paying apartment rent anymore and my mom cooking for us helps so much. 

Long stories will come as I feel like writing about it. For this being my first journal entry I can say I'm close to my stage of  happy living, less stress, less emo moments, less worries, more time to do things I like, more time to enjoy myself, my bf, my doggies. I'm kind of exciting to even think about what am I going to do with more free time now that I'm only gonna be working 6hrs a day...I'm happy but at the same time frustrated because that will mean cutting my salary in half, I'm trying to look at the bright side instead of the money side because money is not really happiness is comfort and accessibility, is a momentary feeling not permanent. I had my hands full of money before and what did I do...wasted it in unnecessary things. Now my mind set is to focus on finding happiness in whats around me, not just material happiness but overall happiness, joy, piece of mind by the side of the ones I love.

A lot of people tell me I'm still young to go to school and that I need to have kids young because old parenting is not a good idea and many other comments they make about me without even knowing my desires and goals. People I see at my job stress me out sometimes when they talk like if they know me or as if their advice is something I would even consider; being a receptionist I have to-not by choice be hypocrite to 99% of the people [smile,be nice, respectful, friendly, talkative, helpful] all those qualities people like to receive even if they are assholes, disrespectful, dirty, disgusting, annoying, loud, stupid, weirdos, creepers, bitches, arrogant, selfish, self-absorbed, hookers, smelly, cheap, a disgrace to society. So many kind of people I see everyday and I work in a pretty decent area where 1 mil houses is the average but there's always those that slip into the cracks and Saturdays is the worse day to work I see so many that fall in to those categories....uughhh.

Monday again in a few hours my week starts all over again. This week was fast as always, got Starbucks almost everyday, some stress at work with new workers and then my boss didn't give me an answer to my raise request, since I'm not a good debater I don't know how to even argue my raise, is just a couple of dollar and that asshole acts like is a lot for his millions empire. I hope one day he gets paid back for all the people he takes advantage of, he knows how to pray on the weak ones and know how to bend the system and how to cheat the government. I know when he dies God is going to ask him if he was fair to his employees. I appreciate he gave me a job when I needed one but that doesn't mean after four years he doesn't show any appreciation for 99% of everything right that I do and always come up with the 1% bullshit I don't do for him as an excuse to argue my raises or when I ask for vacation time. At least I get pay every Monday so that's the bright side of Mondays.


Saturday, February 9, 2013

❥ New February Lovees❣❣

❤I got me a new mascara (I should'd got me the regular NOT waterproof because is really hard to remove & eyelashes fall off, everytime I struggle to take it off at night the only way it completely come off is while in the shower, I have to rub my eyes with facewash and stay in the water for a long time for it to come off)

❤One of this days I ran out of liquid eyeliner so I went to Sephora & find out this one with three tips
Too Faced - 3 - Way Lash Lining Tool
❤This is how the tip looks like (I didn't wanna re-purchase Stila eyeliner again bcuz I had a lot of problems with it due to the fact it can be refilled, the tube would get stuck to the cap and that's where the tip was so it was so annoying opening the pencil and the tip would be stuck to the cap 90% of the times)

❤Another day I went looking for a foundation brush at MAC and came out with this

❤Mac Foundation brush #193

             ❤Mac Fix+ Solution

❤Mac Studio Fix Foundation SPF15 #NC35 

❤I use this as my new make-up routine with my other products you seen on my previews posts (the only thing I had change is that I use this MacFoundation instead of the concealer and I also replaced the FaceAtelier Spray with the MacFix+ Spray but I'm just trying it out right now and for what I'm seeing my face looks oily faster than when I use FaceAtelier Ultra Matte Spray so I might go back to reuse FaceAtelier soon. PLUS Mac-Fix+ is mostly used to moist the brush before use for better results while applying the foundation or concealer)


Saturday, January 19, 2013

❥ New January Lovees❣❣

❤This are my new purchases this month I luv 'em. No regrets all at. Plus I have my eyes set on some more things I will probly get soon too.❤

❤Make-Up Bag from Victoria' Secret
❤Smashbox Primer Light from Sephora
❤Pink Eyelash Curler from Sephora
❤YSL #7 Lingerie Pink from Sephora
❤YSL #8 Fetish Pink from Sephora

Thursday, January 3, 2013

❥Update two-must beauty facial products❣❣

Update on new must-have items

❥ Smashbox Photo Finish Primer Light from Sephora 

❥ Trilogy Rosehip Oil Antioxidant+ from HealthPost |because can't be found in US|


Sunday, December 23, 2012

♡My Must-Have Future Purchases❣❣

Hello guys!!
 Once again I was researching for products that will enhance my skin or erase problems of it or keep it from aging or makes me have a better natural looking skin without using too much make-up.
So then
I found some must-buy items that after lots of research I def though I GOTTA HAVE 'EM!! 
Hopefully they work as they claim to, I read many reviews on different websites and I'm looking forward to try 'em soon!

::here's the list::

Clarisonic Mia2 -Peony color with Refreshing Gel Cleanser ($150)+($25)

Clarisonic Opal Sonic Infusion System -White color with Anti-Aging Sea Serum ($185)+($65)

Lancôme Visionnaire Advanced Skin Corrector 
  $150              $105           $87           $67

MAC Green Gel Cleanser ($20) 
Green Gel Cleanser
*for reference I gotta say this product is not a good cleanser as I expect it. I pick it because its made with natural ingredients but the overall results are just as if you would wash your face with any cheap soap. Dries-out even oily skin as mines. There must be something wrong with this because too many ppl saying the same thing about this product. Don't Buy!!  

MAC Bulk Wipes ($29)

♡  Until the next one XOXO  

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